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The Kicking…
A conversation that I imagined last night:
Me: “Hey little buddy, I haven’t heard from you in a while. You cool in there?”
Leon: “Yeah I’m good.” *kick kick kick*
Me: “OK awesome! Let’s go to sleep! #sotired”
Leon: “Nah, you go ahead. I actually think I’m going to stay up and kick your cervix sporadically for the next hour.”
Me: “Oh. Well, uh…I guess that wasn’t quite what I had in mind, but, you know…you’re the boss.” -
Growing Bigger
Yesterday, at 16 weeks 1 day, I had an extra ultrasound to check on Leon. Because my brother was born with hydrocephalus of an unknown (but possibly genetic) cause, we were worried about fluid accumulating on Leon’s brain. Although I had been eagerly anticipating the visit for the last five weeks, I was a nervous wreck yesterday morning thinking of all the possible deformities he could have (no nose, extra legs, etc.). However, the doctor assured us that Leon is developing perfectly thus far. We couldn’t get all the possible measurements because he was curled up with his head in my cervix, but from all that we could see he’s going to be one handsome, two-legged dude. I have to go back in four weeks anyway for my regular anatomy scan, so hopefully the little guy will be in a better position by that time and we can get more measurements.
Also, he already has Minh’s nose — so adorable 🙂
I’ve been feeling him kick for the last week or so. (Technically, I think I’ve been feeling him for longer but I just chalked it up to gas and eating too much.) Despite my pregnancy app telling me the kicks are going to feel like “flutters,” they actually feel like eye twitches, just sporadic and placed somewhere below my bellybutton. Even at such an early point, I can already tell that some days he’s really active and other days I only feel him every few hours.
Every Monday I read Minh the weekly updates from my pregnancy app and Mayo Clinic book, and this past Monday we learned that Leon’s eyes are now sensitive to light. So Minh got a flashlight and shined it on my belly. We joked about how Leon is probably sleeping and we were waking him up for our amusement. Minh turned off the flashlight and resumed cooking. Then Leon kicked! I told Minh, and he turned around with a big grin and said, “He did?!” It was really cute that Minh was so excited to interact with his son. I can’t wait until he can actually feel the kicks!
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How I Told Minh
I realized today that I haven’t actually posted how I told Minh I’m pregnant. So have a seat, kiddos, it’s story time…
Because our nursery is elephant-themed, and the nursery is one of the few tangible things we had at the time for Leon, elephants are therefore almost synonymous with our baby. So, several months ago, in preparation for someday being able to tell Minh I was pregnant, I made a watercolor of three elephants with a poem about becoming a father. I wrapped it in plain paper and left it on the art table in the guest bedroom, where I knew he wouldn’t look.
On May 3, immediately after I found out I’m pregnant, I shuffled through the house in a zombie-like trance to get the gift. I walked into the office, and Minh had just picked up his guitar and was getting settled in for a practice session. My voice cracked as I said, “Hey, do you have a second?” I gave him the gift and mumbled something about making him a present.
He read the first line and said, “You’re preggers?” I nodded and simultaneously laughed and cried. He cried a little too and we just kind of sat there in shock. We had to take a few minutes to just let it sink in.
Here’s the poem:
Before too long your life will change,
becoming something new.
You’ll hold so close and tenderly
a tiny part of you.
You’ll feel a love you can’t explain
that strengthens every day;
you’re going to be a daddy
and you’ll be perfect in every way.
As soon as you hold our child close,
you’ll start to understand:
The smallest fingers hold your heart
before they hold your hand.
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Miscellaneous Thoughts #1
I don’t have enough complete thoughts for one blog post, so I’ll just highlight some of my latest thoughts and observations.
- As someone who has been blessed with clear skin my entire life, pregnancy has turned me into a greasy teenager. Last week I woke up with three zits on my face — of course, all in the most awkward of places so there was no question I was breaking out. At one point I was walking from my car to my office building and I thought I felt something on my face flapping in the wind — of course it was just my forehead zit, and when I touched it, it immediately reminded me that IT IS THE BOSS NOW. I had a dream that night that I was in a meeting, and one of the items on the agenda was my forehead zit, because everyone had agreed that it was distracting and needed to be addressed.
- On the topic of weird dreams, I dreamt recently that I was giving birth to my baby, and the nurses asked what his name will be. I was so doped up on painkillers or whatever that I named the baby Eugene.
- I’ve been using cream on my tummy the past couple weeks. I’m not holding out hope that it’ll actually work, because I’m fully aware that the skin that causes stretch marks is too deep for a lotion to penetrate. But for $10, I’m willing to hold out hope.
- Speaking of my belly, it’s getting bigger. One day I woke up and noticed that I’d gone from “I’m really bloated/disgusting” to “wow this is literally the biggest my stomach has ever been.” It’s kind of firm and not super jiggly so I’m hoping it’s baby and not just the pint of gelato I gobble through every week. Nonetheless, I won’t be sharing bump photos because it’s not cute and round like you think of when you think of a baby bump. Just imagine a sack of potatoes with two beach balls on top and that’s essentially my torso.
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Assembling the Nursery
Pregnancy brain is REAL, y’all. After forgetting my laundry in the wash for over 48 hours, I restarted it last night — only to forget to put everything in the dryer YET AGAIN. So I’m currently washing the same load of clothes for the third time. Ugh.
On a much more exciting note, we’ve gotten the nursery to a respectable point, considering we still have 28 weeks to fine-tune it. The features I’m really excited about include the reading nook (which doesn’t yet have books), the play nook (which doesn’t yet have toy shelves), and the wall of family photos (so Leon can more easily remember his long-distance relatives). It’s coming along!
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It’s a Boy!
The nurse called me this morning with our Panorama results after only eight calendar days since my blood was drawn! She told me immediately that #THAB is “low risk” for trisomy 13-18-21 (yay!), but I asked her to send the full results to my patient portal so Minh and I could find out the baby’s sex together. But because Minh had already left for work when the nurse called, we had to wait ALL DAY until we both got home.
And the results are…it’s a boy! That means #THAB is now known as Leon!
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The Secret’s Out
Yesterday, at exactly eleven weeks, Minh and I had our second doctor’s appointment for #THAB. We didn’t have an ultrasound this time, but we did get to hear the heartbeat! Thankfully Minh thought to record the audio on his phone, so now we have a takeaway to listen to until my next visit.
The doctor said that after hearing the heartbeat, we were essentially in the clear to tell friends and family. So of course we told EVERYONE. I wanted to wait until Wednesday so I could ship my brother a t-shirt that said something like “I’m going to be an uncle,” but the proud daddy was too excited to wait a couple more days. My brother was ecstatic to learn that he’s going to be an uncle — apparently he’s already told everyone that we’re having a girl (which we won’t know until the labwork comes back next week)!
I’m so excited now that the cat’s out of the bag! I can actually say things now!
Also, can I just say how much I like being pregnant (so far)? Minh’s been making me smoothies every morning and rubbing my belly before he falls asleep at night. I tell myself he’s just doing it for baby, but I’m definitely not going to turn down special treatment! And, I’m starting to get some of my energy back, so hopefully I’ll have more strength to decorate the nursery and plan a little better. Here’s to my last 12 days of the first trimester (and beyond)!
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The First View
Today was #THAB’s first ultrasound. I had been mentally distancing myself from my pregnancy for the past few days as my appointment came closer. I had nightmares about waking up soaked in blood or sitting on the exam room table learning that I actually just had a blighted ovum. Every time Minh mentioned the baby this past week, I would respond with “maybe,” because in my mind, that would make it easier to cope if we received bad news.
Minh held my hand this afternoon as we gawked up at the monitor across the room. I heard him gasp as our little baby come into focus. It was nothing more than a 9 mm blob, but its little heart flickered like crazy! The ultrasound technician confirmed that, as I predicted, I did ovulate a week later than what is “typical,” as baby measured 7 weeks exactly with a heartbeat of 144 bpm. That puts my due date at January 9, 2017. The doctor did inform us that my uterus is a little misshapen, which means that the baby might have a hard time turning when the time comes. All that means is that I have a higher risk of a breach presentation and a C-section may be in the cards. But the doctor said there’s nothing we could do about that and we’ll address it if it happens.
After receiving word from the doctor and the ultrasound technician that baby is developing normally thus far, I’m kind of going through the same emotions that I did when I saw the positive pregnancy test. Really excited and relieved that everything is okay, but also really nervous for what lies ahead. There are a lot of changes in store for us (especially me) over the next year. I’ve been watching Teen Mom lately to increase my confidence that I can easily tackle all those changes.
So far my pregnancy has been relatively uneventful, in the best of ways. Aside from some exhaustion (which is virtually indistinguishable from depression fatigue and is therefore no stranger to me), my only real symptoms have been sore boobs, increased thirst, and a heightened sense of smell. And an aversion to coffee and peanut butter cookies.
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Awesome.
Today I’m six weeks and one day pregnant. I went to the doctor over lunch because I’ve been peeing a lot more than usual, and I was worried I had a urinary tract infection. I read all about how untreated UTIs can spread to the kidneys and then become systemic and then you die. Considering I still have to be a host to a growing blueberry for a few more months, I can’t die from a UTI quite yet.
After an ordeal that involved waiting more than a half-hour to see a new doctor and then accidentally peeing on my hand trying to aim into the tiny sample cup, I learned that nope — no urinary tract infection, and what I’m feeling is basically just what happens when you have a baby growing against your bladder. The doctor literally wrote on my diagnosis line, “Symptoms consistent with the first trimester of pregnancy.”
Awesome.
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Navigating New Emotions
Today I’m 4 weeks and 5 days. I still have my pregnancy tests out on the bathroom counter, in case I forget I’m pregnant or something. So far I haven’t forgotten. I don’t know when I’ll throw the tests away; obviously it’s really gross to keep them on my counter forever, but right now it’s the only tangible proof I have that there’s a baby inside me. I keep thinking maybe those four tests are wrong and there’s something else that’s causing them to appear positive, because I don’t really have any pregnancy symptoms yet aside from feeling bloated and sensing some slight pressure in my lower abdomen. Basically, it just feels like I’m about to get my period.
I was in freak-out mode a little bit for the last few days, just because there’s so much responsibility that comes with having a baby. I’m told that my knee-jerk reaction is completely normal. I’m back to being really excited, but I’ve heard that it’s not uncommon to bounce back and forth from feeling excited to scared throughout the entire pregnancy. Minh, who had such a relaxed “it’ll happen when it happens” attitude toward trying, is now kind of freaking out.
The hardest part so far is the fact that we haven’t told anyone yet. I’m not sure if we should wait to see the baby in the sonogram before we tell family and friends. There are several pregnant women in the creative department at work, so I’m tempted to just shout out, “I’m pregnant too! Tell me your secrets to getting through morning sickness!” But I definitely want to wait to strategize the announcement a little bit.
