Ode to the Snoogle

Last week I was gifted (by myself) a Snoogle. It may or may not be the best present I’ve ever received (from myself).

What is a Snoogle, you ask? Basically, it’s an extremely firm pregnancy pillow that’s shaped like an unused staple. To use it, you essentially hug the long midsection and the two ends wrap around your shoulder and your booty. Minh calls this technique “riding the seahorse” — except, instead of riding the seahorse, technically you’re kind of just hugging it…in an awkward way.

But no matter what you look like embracing it, this thing is a pretty cool. Forget putting a limp pillow between your knees; the Snoogle is like being hugged by Jesus himself. No more back pain or limbs going numb. The first time I used it, I fell asleep within minutes and only accidentally rolled onto my back once.

That said, though, there are a couple downsides:

1. Pregnant women get up to pee approximately 500-700 times per night^{[citation needed]}. The makers of the Snoogle obviously didn’t QA-test this product with an actual pregnant woman, because if they had, they’d have installed a trap door or escape hatch or something. Detaching oneself from the hug of the Snoogle is no easy feat. I’ve kind of figured out over the last few nights that if I roll onto my back, pull the pillow away from my head, then violently kick the bottom half, I can manage to free myself. This process only takes about fifteen minutes. But I’m still a mere 20 weeks along and I’ve got a lot of growing to do; I imagine this technique gets harder the larger one gets.
2. Rolling over is also kind of an issue. You can’t roll over with the blankets covering you; you have to flip them onto your significant other first (and risk him just taking them for his own). Then you can start the process of actually rolling over — first by unlatching your head, then squeezing your thighs as you roll with the pillow. Then you simply twirl the upper section of the pillow and adjust everything else. By this point though, you’ve done so much work that you have to pee again, so you might as well just go through the steps to free yourself. Honestly, the last few nights I’ve just given up and laid across it like I was chilling on an innertube, completely defeating the purpose of buying the Snoogle in the first place.

But those two sort-of big issues aside, the Snoogle’s not bad. If you’re a pregnant woman who doesn’t ever roll over or wake up to use the restroom, this product is perfect! (Sarcasm aside, it really is a million times better than a flat pillow.)